When the Heat is On

By StreetTalker

On Tuesday I have an intake appt with a local psychiatric hospital,  and expect to do a voluntary commitment for 72 hours of observation. While I am there, the Social Security people will come to me, and get my paperwork expedited, and they will help me with my knees and other medical problems, as well as this deep darkness inside of me. I am depleted, and am having a hard time out here coping. My Guardian Angel has been very busy saving my butt out here, let me tell ya.

I am feeling a new and stronger spiritual awakening because there are so many things happening daily that only reinforce my belief in the Great Universe, and the cosmic way of things. It is truly amazing, and forces me to see beauty amidst the depravity and ugliness around me.  Among the feces and grossness there are flowers growing, and I am reminded of that daily when a car drives up to us out here, and distributes water, food,  bikes,  blankets, hats, and myriad other necessities that it is difficult to live without.

When a complete stranger holds my hand in a strong grip and then looks deeply into my eyes with a determination to give me strength and hope, I feel cared about, and can, for one more day, carry on. I live one second to the next, and am learning to accept that way as a needed coping mechanism.

Without the caring people at Loaves and Fishes, Friendship Park, and Mary House, we - the homeless- would not survive, I am convinced of this. Please donate to these exceptional places and help us survive, even though we may not thrive.  We who live without walls will thank you and offer a blessing from our hearts.

Life out here is like living in a Third World nation. Toilet facilities are almost non-existent, washing clothes is hit and miss because it depends on whether or not we will have a place to do laundry un-interrupted for a little while, either by the local police, or other ‘regular’ people at a local water fountain or the rare open restroom.  Keeping clean is a monumental task that at times simply overwhelms me, and I confess, that I sometimes do not smell as pleasantly as I would wish to. There are few places that offer the privacy I need to clean up while remaining safe and uninterrupted. I must schedule these tasks when there are few others about, and as the homeless population grows by the hundreds, daily, privacy is hard to find. As are shelters for single women under 62, who are no longer able to produce offspring.  The beds are constantly full, and the three ring circus we are forced to perform in, in order to even stay on the waiting lists, are too arduous for me to tackle any longer.  The shelters are gambling on that, and make it so difficult to get in, that we just give up. They count on it.

 Most of us women out here seem to try and find protection under the wing of a willing male, no matter their violent or controlling natures, just to survive to the next morning. Rapes, violence, and abuse is prevalent, and many women have been through so much that their spirits are crushed to dust.  The psychiatric facilities and prisons have tossed many violent female and male offenders back onto the streets for us to cope with, and the streets are flooded with just released criminals and head cases.  I have not chosen to go down that path of so called ‘protection’, and do not anticipate that I ever shall do so. There are women like me out here, who have known that road, and will not, under any circumstances follow it again.  We are grouping together at many times of the day, and we protect one another. We watch out for one another, guarding against violation from fellow street people and arrest or tickets from from ‘The Man’ (cops) for simply resting in the shade.Please help us by supporting the Homeless Bill, AB 5,

(http://billmoyers.com/2013/05/05/california-works-to-pass-a-homeless-bill-of-rights/) now under consideration at the Capitol, in Sacramento. We should be able to sit in our parked cars, or in the dirt and weeds, in the shade of a tree and simply rest, and breath.

During the week we women have a day-shelter called Mary House, on North C street.  They have showers, and a contemplation garden in the back. They have a phone and breakfast is served to women and children at 8 a.m. with lunch following from 11:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. They will give us plastic bags to take away food from lunch to eat at dinner time.  They serve delicious coffee too, in the mornings at Friendship Park, from 7 a.m. to around 9 a.m. and then, at Mary House, during breakfast but, get there early because it is usually gone in about 30 minutes!

It is a place to re-group in a (mostly) serene atmosphere. Men are NOT allowed, and our place is OUR place.  There are staff in the parking area that guard our vehicles and keep the peace between us. They offer smiles when they see us in the mornings, and are some of the few people who still recognize that we too, are still human beings-with a need to receive a simple kind of person to person respect, which they never fail to provide.

Friendship Park provides ice at two times daily, offers us the “OFF” brand wipes to keep bugs at bay. We get our lunch tickets there, can use a payphone, connect with each other, and rest in the shade of jasmine and oak trees. There are restrooms available, and pastries in the mornings.

Men can receive little packets of toiletries, while we fems get ours at Mary House. North C street is a little haven from violence, stress, and the feelings of abandonment that we homeless people feel.